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the lone gunman was a vastly over-rated comedian
14/09/02 @ 10:38 p.m.
So people are saying this will be the end of Michael Barrymore. You’d have thought years of being a shit and unfunny hyperactive twat would have been the end of him, but apparently not. The important thing is that we learn from all this mess, and I for one am determined to do just that. I’ve learnt that if I want to get rid of all the people on TV who annoy me, I shouldn’t just change the channel, I should involve them in major scandals that kill off their careers for good and give my remote control a rest. So... Trevor McDonald, you wrong-word-emphasiser and frustrating mid-sentence pauser, I’ll have you caught buggering your granny by the end of the week. Jamie Oliver, you tongue-showing, mockney, almost-dribbler, I’ll fake photos of you stealing cocaine from orphans if it’s the last thing I do. Gareth Gates, go fuck a dead nun and send me some proof. Robbie Williams, wear a fur coat and batter a dolphin to death with a seal’s corpse while I take photos. Mariah Carey, go star in Glitter 2. Oprah Winfrey, you patronising, preachy, trite-wisdom-cack-peddling Jesus-wannabe, go on your show and whip Dr Phil until he admits he’s your bitch in the segment usually reserved for Remembering Your Spirit. Everyone involved with Will and Grace, I’ll uncover the evidence to prove that your scripts are written by four-year-olds who’ve only recently been introduced to the concept of sarcasm, and splash it across the front pages. And Jim Carrey, this photo is on its way to The Warren Commission...
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