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ten things I hate about you
04/02/02 @ 7:30 p.m.
As you’ve guessed by now, the list of things that piss me off is endless, but not every petty complaint has got enough mileage in it to make a full entry. So I thought today I could just clear out a few moans in one entry, in compilation-style. It’s like Now That’s What I Call Rant, or The Best Miserable Bastard in the World... Ever! 1. People who say "polo mint", "marker pen" and "tuna fish". You don’t say "cod fish" or "plaice fish" or "salmon fish" – why is tuna so special? If you order a tuna sandwich, a waiter’s not gonna bring you a piano tuner between two slices of bread; we all know that tuna is fish, thank you very much. 2. People who say "as you do"; perhaps the lowest form of public domain sarcasm. 3. Spudulike. Just how specific does a shop have to be? 4. Madonna’s fake English accent. 5. Richard Blackwood’s fake American accent. 6. Managers of football teams, who prove their intense stupidity in every post-match analysis yawnathon by stating the blindingly obvious and starting every sentence with the phrase "At the end of the day". 7. Robbie Williams’s "I’m a cheeky chappie" image. 8. Robbie Williams’s "I’m not a cheeky chappie anymore, I’m Frank Sinatra" image. 9. Murder. It’s just not polite, is it? 10. Morning wood – there’s no crueller example of being all dressed up and having nowhere to go.
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