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cryptic/clueless
12/08/02 @ 12:41 a.m.
Since the 7th of August I’ve had something of a one-track mind so I’ve had trouble focusing on updating this thing. I really can’t think of anything I want to say except what I’m thinking, and it’s not fair to think it here. But then I can’t say it where I should be saying it, or to who it should be said, because he won’t let me say a word. And that’s frustrating beyond belief. I don’t think I’ve ever felt such disappointment before. I’m just in a daze with it. I really can’t think of anything else. I’m disappointed and frustrated and hurt and betrayed and hopeless and - more than anything - I feel stupid for not expecting this. I’m surprised by how I’m reacting because by now I should be used to it, it’s happened a hundred times before. But this time’s different and I’m not sure why. Genuinely, I thought he’d always be the best friend I’d ever have. More than a friend, tied to me because of what he is. And right now I can’t even look at him. And I know that’s hurting him because it leaves him with no one to talk to, so then I get guilt mixed in with the hundred other emotions I’ve got going. Me: confused. You: too.
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