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i am davros to the doctors of the world
17/10/02 @ 11:41 p.m.
I know the world comes here for enlightenment, wisdom and advice and, boy, have I got some for you today. As you know, every doctor in the history of doctoring has been and will continue to be an arrogant twat. It can be hard work getting them to listen, particularly if you suffer from an illness that was wrongly dismissed as psychological for a decade or so... Until now I’d thought that the best way to deal with their stupidity and short-sightedness was to diagnose myself and find suitable treatment before getting an appointment. Then it was just a case of nagging until I got my way. But I’ve recently found an extension of that method which must be shared with the masses: Never see the same doctor twice. My usual idiot doctor is now semi-incompetent... I mean... semi-retired, so I’ve been trying out new doctors on the off-chance one of them missed the class on how to ram their head up their arse in medical school. In so doing I have stumbled upon the new theory. I complained to my first new doctor that my wrists were getting worse and I wanted some kick-ass prescription painkillers, namely Vioxx. He said he wouldn’t give me any and told me to buy some ibuprofen from the chemist instead. After a lot of ranting in the direction of poor Laura’s ear-hole, I booked an appointment with a second new doctor and told him that the first one said to try ibuprofen and if that didn’t work to move on to prescription stuff. The gullible fool prescribed me some Dicloflex, a weedier version of Vioxx, which worked pretty nicely. I then booked an appointment with a third new doctor and told him the second one said to try Dicloflex and if that didn’t work to move on to Vioxx. So, poor, innocent, unknowing pawn that he was, he gave me some. Now when I see another new doctor it’ll be a piece of piss to get it on repeat prescription because I’ll tell him the last doctor said I should get a repeat if it worked. In four simple moves I’ll get exactly what I want, therefore confirming my status as Genius Extraordinaire. So the lesson is clear: Lie to doctors. Lie to as many different doctors as you can because they’re not only stupid, they’re arrogant, so they’ll immediately believe what you’re saying if you claim to be quoting one of their equally-brilliant colleagues. Bastards!
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