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the future’s not bright – the future’s hairy
19/01/02 @ 11:31 p.m.
Every time I check my traffic I see I’ve had a few more hits from people searching for clothed boobs. Writing two entries about this non-porn phenomenon has made the problem worse, because Google now finds three entries to suggest to the non-wankers, and I guess this one will be a fourth. But I feel I have to risk the hoards of polite perverts to talk about a subject that’s been bothering me recently. These gentle pornographers, for whom nudity is a step too far, made me think about a time when flashing an ankle was considered risqué. If a woman wasn’t covered from her neck to her feet in sensible clothing, her reputation was ruined, but now women happily show off half their boobs in the name of cleavage. If you built a time machine and brought a guy from the 1800s to the present day he’d wonder how we all keep our hands out of our pockets as we walk the streets. So this train of thought led, logically enough, to my vision of the future: pube cleavage. Mark my words, in a hundred years’ time, people will be walking around in trousers and skirts with peep-holes in the crotch showing an inch or two of pube cleavage. It’s the only logical end – total nudity’s not plausible because we’d all freeze to death. Unless the global warming thing takes off, but who gives a fuck about that? I considered it my responsibility to warn you all of the hairy world that awaits us, so the more fashion-conscious readers can race off to the kitchen to find a pair of scissors strong enough to get through the crotch of their jeans. And, yes, to answer your question, the insomnia is back. This kind of thing seems interesting at 5 a.m., I swear.
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