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d-list baby born; f-list mother well
05/04/02 @ 10:05 p.m.
It’s been a long road, getting from there to here. It’s been a long time, but our time is finally near... Well, not near, it’s gone already because it happened yesterday but... It’s all over, because at last, after nine long months of boredom and indifference, Elizabeth Hurley yesterday gave birth to the world’s first baby. Finally, we can stop being bored by her pregnancy. It’s such a relief to know we’ll never have to open the paper to see how big her stomach has grown in the last ten minutes. It’s a joy to know we’ll never have to wonder whether Hugh Grant’s taking her to ante-natal classes this week. But this is no time to organise street parties; there’s work to be done if this vision of a Hurley-free future is to come to fruition. If we don’t act now, there’ll be weeks of stories about how quickly she’s losing the weight she’d gained, months of pap about who the father is, pages of shite about her kid’s first step, acres of paparazzi photos showing his first bike ride without stabilisers, years of articles about how well he’s doing at school... As far as I can see, there’s only one course of action we can now take: we need to send a petition to God asking him to stop any future articles about The Son of Hurley. Sign the petition now, so that we might enjoy a future that’s not as boring as shite.
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