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31/08/02 @ 12:35 a.m.
If I’m going to go through with this serial killer thing, I’m going to need a name so the media can identify me with its usual banal, simplified shorthand. I’m worried most of the good names have been taken – “The Ripper” has been used twice, for god’s sake. There’s a definite shortage. I want something with a bit of flair, something people will remember. Hannibal the Cannibal rhymes nicely, as does Cyrus the Virus, but Jim doesn’t rhyme with anything too threatening. I could be Jim the Tim, and smugly yell “Comprendez” as I kill my victims, but it would limit me to only British fans of Big Brother because no one else would get what I was talking about. I could base the name on location. The Butcher of Bristol makes me sound quite maniacal, but it has the downside of encouraging people to approach me for meat products. Then again, it could be a sideline if I cut people up into nice sized steaks. Nope. Rhyming doesn’t work, location doesn’t work, I guess I’ll have to go for something that relates to my personality. If you see headlines any time soon about the “Irritable Bastard Murders”, point the police my way...
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