yawner.diaryland.com

o l d-----n e w-----l a s t-----n e x t-----m e-----y o u-----m a i l-----n o t e s-----r i n g s-----

the punning man

16/11/01 @ 11:20 p.m.

It’s not an easy life, being a movie geek. As if being tormented by Independence Day wasn’t bad enough, I have to deal with teenagers talking through every movie they see, kids crying through every Disney movie they see, the twats who run cinemas deciding to sell nachos until a louder food is invented, seeing my video collection made obsolete by DVDs, and watching helplessly as Will Smith makes more and more movies. It’s a living hell. But the worst thing, apart from that ID4 shite, is punning movie reviewers.
The Shawshank Redemption is one of the greatest things in the wide world. It’s a beautiful film about keeping dignity in the face of degradation, a true masterpiece that represents the heights that cinema can scale, and on the video poster is a quote from a moron reviewer in a tabloid rag, calling it “a Shaw-fire hit”. Bastard.
I hate these people. I don’t understand why they feel the need to pun so often and so badly. One of the worst offenders is Chris Tookey, reviewer in the already evil Daily Mail, and dipshit who tried to get Crash banned because he thought it would encourage horny drivers to smash their cars into walls on the off-chance it gave them wood. Every Friday I turn to his page, and fold my face in half with as big a cringe as I can muster. Chicken Run was one of the worst movies for punning reviewers, and Tookey led the way. Devoid of the tiniest trace of talent, these hacks had to resort to such clinkers as “eggcellent fun”, “it’s no turkey” and “a great chick flick!”
What makes these puns so depressing isn’t just their lameness but their utter predictability. They’re so obvious that it’s just hard to believe these tits even bother. It takes such little intelligence that if you left the pen on the table it could write them itself.
The Harry Potter movie was just released, and with it came the absolute stinkers we all knew were on the way: “Wizard!” “Spellbinding!” “Magic!” “Harry has the audience under his spell!” Is there anyone who couldn’t think these up? I’m sick of reading that the Lion King was a roaring success, that Jurassic Park 3 will make the franchise extinct, that the Fugitive was a runaway success, I’m sick of being told that Titanic would either sink or swim, and I’m sick of reading Bridget Jones reviews that start “Dear Diary, saw B. Jones movie today”. I don’t wanna hear that Rocky packs a punch, that Jaws has bite, or that Six Days, Seven Nights feels longer than that. I just want these punners to spend more than three seconds on their pointless reviews, and admit to the world they’ve got less talent than the least talented person in the worst movie they’ve ever seen.

b o o k m a r k s-----r u d i e s-----u p d a t e s-----m y--i l l n e s s -----m o v i e--r e v i e w s

Content and layout © Yawner, 2001. Hosted by Diaryland. Best viewed with IE5, probably pants with Netscape.


o l d-----n e w-----l a s t-----n e x t-----m e-----y o u-----m a i l-----n o t e s-----r i n g s-----







the punning man
16/11/01 @ 11:20 p.m.
It’s not an easy life, being a movie geek. As if being tormented by Independence Day wasn’t bad enough, I have to deal with teenagers talking through every movie they see, kids crying through every Disney movie they see, the twats who run cinemas deciding to sell nachos until a louder food is invented, seeing my video collection made obsolete by DVDs, and watching helplessly as Will Smith makes more and more movies. It’s a living hell. But the worst thing, apart from that ID4 shite, is punning movie reviewers. The Shawshank Redemption is one of the greatest things in the wide world. It’s a beautiful film about keeping dignity in the face of degradation, a true masterpiece that represents the heights that cinema can scale, and on the video poster is a quote from a moron reviewer in a tabloid rag, calling it “a Shaw-fire hit”. Bastard. I hate these people. I don’t understand why they feel the need to pun so often and so badly. One of the worst offenders is Chris Tookey, reviewer in the already evil Daily Mail, and dipshit who tried to get Crash banned because he thought it would encourage horny drivers to smash their cars into walls on the off-chance it gave them wood. Every Friday I turn to his page, and fold my face in half with as big a cringe as I can muster. Chicken Run was one of the worst movies for punning reviewers, and Tookey led the way. Devoid of the tiniest trace of talent, these hacks had to resort to such clinkers as “eggcellent fun”, “it’s no turkey” and “a great chick flick!” What makes these puns so depressing isn’t just their lameness but their utter predictability. They’re so obvious that it’s just hard to believe these tits even bother. It takes such little intelligence that if you left the pen on the table it could write them itself. The Harry Potter movie was just released, and with it came the absolute stinkers we all knew were on the way: “Wizard!” “Spellbinding!” “Magic!” “Harry has the audience under his spell!” Is there anyone who couldn’t think these up? I’m sick of reading that the Lion King was a roaring success, that Jurassic Park 3 will make the franchise extinct, that the Fugitive was a runaway success, I’m sick of being told that Titanic would either sink or swim, and I’m sick of reading Bridget Jones reviews that start “Dear Diary, saw B. Jones movie today”. I don’t wanna hear that Rocky packs a punch, that Jaws has bite, or that Six Days, Seven Nights feels longer than that. I just want these punners to spend more than three seconds on their pointless reviews, and admit to the world they’ve got less talent than the least talented person in the worst movie they’ve ever seen.
	b o o k m a r k s-----r u d i e s-----u p d a t e s-----m y--i l l n e s s -----m o v i e--r e v i e w s







	Content and layout © Yawner, 2001. Hosted by Diaryland. Best viewed with IE5, probably pants with Netscape.