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i’ll never eat lunch in that town, part II
08/05/02 @ 9:30 p.m.
More horrifying tips from “500 Ways To Beat The Hollywood Reader”... Tip 53, on how to make dialogue more interesting: “Forget proper English: ‘Colour me curious, but do you know anything about... bombs?’” Put that dialogue in your movie, and it will bomb. Tip 54, on how to make dialogue more natural: “Compare ‘I will go now, Mother’ with ‘Later, Momsy!’” Write every line like that, you’ve got yourself a Bill and Ted movie. Tip 134, on putting an unexpected lead in a role usually played by an expert: “A bookish librarian is forced to impersonate a leader in the sex slave trade so the feds can rescue newly kidnapped victims.” My brother’s been asking if this book is just a spoof. I’m starting to wonder... Tip 142, on how to keep subplots moving: “If a subplot has detective Manny wanting to grow award-winning tulips, have him pursuing this dream at every turn.” I knew there was something missing from Seven. I just can’t read any more. As much as it’s terrified me with its stupidity, this book has given me confidence in the intelligence of my story! All I’ve got to do now is find someone who’s not as thick as pig shit who might want to buy it. That's not going to happen, is it?
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