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o l d-----n e w-----l a s t-----n e x t-----m e-----y o u-----m a i l-----n o t e s-----r i n g s-----

stop the press! (while we still can)

06/02/02 @ 6:55 p.m.

I saw an article in the paper yesterday about a cat who enjoys swimming, and in revenge my brain packed its bags and left me for good. It’s sick of reading these who-gives-a-fuck stories over and over again, where an animal does something that ordinarily it wouldn’t do. It’s fed up with reading about a duck who was raised by a seal and now thinks it’s a seal itself, it’s fed up with reading about a dog who’s scared of kennels, or a hamster who’s training to be a social worker. It doesn’t need these stories any more! It can work out that, in the population of 75 billion cats, chances are there’ll be one or two who like swimming.
But some dumb fuck decided it was a story worthy of the third page of a national newspaper. It informs us that “For most cats, the thought of swimming is about as appealing as a close encounter with a pit bull terrier” but Custard, a mog from West Sussex, actually likes to swim! Fascinating stuff isn’t it? And it’s so hard to get your head around it... an animal who shouldn’t like to swim... actually does like to swim... Fortunately, the wise reporter realised how difficult his story would be to comprehend, and gave us a quote from the cat’s owner to really ram it home: “I know cats are supposed to hate water but Custard really does seem to like it.” No, it’s still not sinking in. Is this crazy bitch really saying her cat likes to swim? That’s just madness! But then she says “his sister Rhubarb can’t stand it but he has really taken to it.” Even after hearing it three times, I still can’t believe it. It’s just so hard to take in... It’s not repetitive or mind-numbingly banal in the least.
In fact, now I come to think of it, it’s a scandal it only made page three – there would have been tens of millions of copies sold if the newspaper had had the nerve to run the front page headline “Cat does something vaguely uncharacteristic for species.”
Me: irritable.

b o o k m a r k s-----r u d i e s-----u p d a t e s-----m y--i l l n e s s -----m o v i e--r e v i e w s

Content and layout © Yawner, 2001. Hosted by Diaryland. Best viewed with IE5, probably pants with Netscape.


o l d-----n e w-----l a s t-----n e x t-----m e-----y o u-----m a i l-----n o t e s-----r i n g s-----







stop the press! (while we still can)
06/02/02 @ 6:55 p.m.
I saw an article in the paper yesterday about a cat who enjoys swimming, and in revenge my brain packed its bags and left me for good. It’s sick of reading these who-gives-a-fuck stories over and over again, where an animal does something that ordinarily it wouldn’t do. It’s fed up with reading about a duck who was raised by a seal and now thinks it’s a seal itself, it’s fed up with reading about a dog who’s scared of kennels, or a hamster who’s training to be a social worker. It doesn’t need these stories any more! It can work out that, in the population of 75 billion cats, chances are there’ll be one or two who like swimming. But some dumb fuck decided it was a story worthy of the third page of a national newspaper. It informs us that “For most cats, the thought of swimming is about as appealing as a close encounter with a pit bull terrier” but Custard, a mog from West Sussex, actually likes to swim! Fascinating stuff isn’t it? And it’s so hard to get your head around it... an animal who shouldn’t like to swim... actually does like to swim... Fortunately, the wise reporter realised how difficult his story would be to comprehend, and gave us a quote from the cat’s owner to really ram it home: “I know cats are supposed to hate water but Custard really does seem to like it.” No, it’s still not sinking in. Is this crazy bitch really saying her cat likes to swim? That’s just madness! But then she says “his sister Rhubarb can’t stand it but he has really taken to it.” Even after hearing it three times, I still can’t believe it. It’s just so hard to take in... It’s not repetitive or mind-numbingly banal in the least. In fact, now I come to think of it, it’s a scandal it only made page three – there would have been tens of millions of copies sold if the newspaper had had the nerve to run the front page headline “Cat does something vaguely uncharacteristic for species.” Me: irritable.
	b o o k m a r k s-----r u d i e s-----u p d a t e s-----m y--i l l n e s s -----m o v i e--r e v i e w s







	Content and layout © Yawner, 2001. Hosted by Diaryland. Best viewed with IE5, probably pants with Netscape.